Hole in the sky?

My name is Major, and my heart is black and full of hate...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Like a LARP on the wind

No gamer identity in the entirety of Geek Culture has such a dire reputation. Even the guy that just walked into the gaming store with McDonald’s bag full of food (yes the heavy duty one… with the handles) lugging behind him the extra large rolling suit case of everything from 1st edition Superman comics, to those obnoxious d100’s that could be used as golf balls, to painstakingly painted troops of Chaos Space Marines, yes even he, stands a little taller at the mention of this most disdained breed. Chances are that if you’re gazing into the Unknown Hole in the Sky you have at least a friend of a friend who belongs to this class of gamer.

“What is this horrid filth you speak of? Are you talking about furries?” you may ask. To which I would reply, “No…no it’s not them, they’re mostly just silly.” To which you may reply, “What the hell dude just tell me what hell you’re talking about. “To which I would then reply:

“LARPers (Live-Action Role Players)”

Whether you’ve made golf clubs into swords and bashed your friends until someone lost an eye or gotten dressed up in the most Victorian Goodwill pieces you could find to play in the Vampire: the Masquerade game at your own local game store. Let’s face it…you’re at the bottom of the gaming barrel, which is actually a terrible place to be. You really don’t want to be at the bottom of any barrel, let alone one filled with people whose collect shower count fell off the charts in the late 70’s.

Seriously, what the hell were you thinking?

What’s that?

Oh, a cute girl?

And she was into other girls?

Alright fine, you’re off the hook.

But the rest of you have no excuse. RPG’s are awkward enough with the whole ‘rules’ thing and the whole ‘in character/out of character’ thing, but then you toss in costumes (that don’t fit) and (terrible) acting, and the fact that someone has to control a decent sized group of attention whores that all want their little piece of time in the spotlight (of the imaginary game) the whole she-bang eventually goes completely nut-bar. (Yes… nut-bar) I can understand being interested in it, especially if they’re able to fool you with their spiel on ‘creativity’ and ‘props’ and ‘girls’ but the truth remains that these are people that spend a good portion of their life on designing and interacting in a make believe world.

Isn’t that some form of Just-Plain-Crazy™

What’s that?

Actually, MMORPGS are completely real.

Well no they don’t actually exist, but…

Whatever dude, at least I don’t LARP!

And don’t even get me started on the Amtgard LARPers (the costumed people in the park with foam swords that look way too serious considering they’re costumed people in the park with foam swords) Your typical garden variety Amtgard member is very serious about technique and his garb. (the LARP word for costume) They’re also loyal members of their “kingdom” which in most cases includes everyone who can drive (or get a ride) to the site where the activity takes place. Some even claim to be the leader of their kingdom. Then I start to think: You’re the leader of a kingdom? Really? You mean you dress up in a stenciled Joann Fabric costume of a pre-decided color and bash people with a Funnoodle wrapped golf club handle and you think you’re badass for it? You can’t even begin to think of yourself as badass until you’ve won at least one real fight.

You haven’t even been in a fight have you?

What’s that?

Oh…actually that’s quite a few.

Double black belt …hmm… wow.

Nose Broken?… no thanks mine is just fine how it is.

Alright, well it was nice to meet you…

I guess when you get down to it the LARPers are just like the rest of us gamers. This is their hobby after all and we all need hobbies or we’d explode into a bunch of tiny versions of ourselves and then slowly blink out of existence. Maybe the LARPers are getting a bad rap, maybe as gamers we need a scapegoat for the part of ourselves we think are weird and we’re projecting all that weirdness on to these poor garbed souls, maybe we need a group to treat poorly for the activities we do ourselves because of the way people treat us for being gamers. Maybe it’s time to put an end to all these shenanigans and pretenses about what people do when they’re not working.

Who’s with me!?

What’s that?

‘Lightning Bolt Guy’ on YouTube… never heard of him.

AHAHAHAHAHAHaa! That’s hilarious

I take it all back, LARPers are weird…


  1. Fantastic article. LARPers scare me.. but i have been there and enjoyed it, in part...

    ..I've always wanted to dress up with my wife and pretend we were in a Victorian Setting, and she is like a dirty chambermaid, and im the evil Archduke of Winchester or some such. If that is Live Action Role Playing then ill get in line in Macdonalds behind the guy with the handles.

  2. larpers scare the shit out of me. do cosplayers count as larpers?

  3. It all depends on the amount of rules Anonymous. If you immediately started to count after reading that last sentence, then you actually LARPed and didn't cosplay.

    But in all seriousness Cosplayers are cool people.

  4. cosplayers do not game, they just dress up in fucked up costumes from the last air bender or whatever

  5. I just watched the lightning bolt guy mvoie 3 times and im wondering if i know him from somewhere. oh and im at work.

  6. Larpers are seriously fucked up, but I still think that furries take the cake.

  7. Oh man.. I wish I knew some LARPers. If you guys are out there, hit me up! I promise I won't do mean and horrible things. Major would vouch for me...or else i hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm gonna ram it down your stomach and rip out your goddamn spine!

    "Lightning bolt guy" has been redeemed. If you wish to see a modern age redux of his classic scene then check out this link and it is at the end of the interview.

    Oh and cosplayers are hot.

  8. Anyone having formatting issues with this post? let me know.

  9. Found the problem and reposted, sorry to waste your time.

    cosplayers with tails are fucking hot.

  10. i typed in cosplayer furries into google and this post came up, where are the cosplayer furries!


Google Search

Custom Search

Just paying the bills..