Sexy Robot Saturday

Your happy-ending is only a thirty minute charge away.




Now if they can reprogram her to remove that dissatisfied look on her face.

Do Sex Dolls Dream of Inflatable... A Blade Runner Erotic Fan Fiction Reviewed

I'll make this clear now, I did not go around looking for an Erotic Fan Fiction of Blade Runner, but i was looking for something interesting to write this morning, as a back up when i can't find great pictures of bacon or deloreans, i go on a website called Literotica, and start clicking around. It's an erotic stories hosting site that is about 15 years old, and boasts about half a million stories. It's where i found the XXX Xanth stories long ago.

This story is by IrmaCerrutti, and is based in the Blade Runner universe. I'm obviously a big fan, so when i saw the title: "Do Sex Dolls Dream of Inflatable...", I almost shit my pants in pure excitment. lets look at some of my favorite exerpts from part 1 below.

"I laughed in surprise and delight and settled onto the pink heart shaped bed, writhing in anticipation of further ecstasy. I gazed lovingly at Lesley's full breasts, her gorgeous skin, her huge cock."

Wait what! WHAT. There must be some mistake. Lets take another look here...

"I gazed again at her huge cock. "Hm, interesting," I purred, "where did that come from I wonder?" I giggled and licked my lips, completely past caring about such an unexpected phenomenon."

Mother fucker. I knew it. I knew this story was too good to be true. Son of a bitch. Well, lets scroll down and give it another chance here. Let's goto the end..

"Her spunk was hot and tasted of cream and sugar. I have a very sweet tooth, so I sucked away and licked up and down her huge length."

Oh that is fucking it. Why on god's green earth would anyone write this pile of shit. I guess it would be a good time to explain that the main characters name in the story is Irma, the authors name. Alot of erotic fan fiction authors put themselves in their stories to 'live out' their fantasy, and having people read their fantasy completes that thought process.. i'm guessing.

I had no idea this story would be of transgender/homosexual nature. Most stories are crazy like this, and to show everyone the general idea, i picked this fan fiction from about 10 fucking transgender robot sex stories, that i read not knowing, in a row.

Click here if you want to be ashamed, embaressed, frightened.. or just want to read this hot mess.

Father's Blade

He moved his head against the straw, moving his face from a less itchy position.
.
The axe his father gave him reflected the light from three candles on the mantle place, throwing light into his face and illuminating his blue eyes. Those eyes fell next to him as they caught the reflection of steel.
.
He struggled to free his left hand to run his slender fingers across the blade of the axe that lay in his straw bedding with him. The engravings of people centuries past, staring at him, fighting, running, living.
.
Thick wool blankets made his legs sweaty so he moved them off to expose the rest the axe. The axe was as familiar to him as anything could be. His tanned knee pushed the hilt of the ax to the side and he propped it up next to him so he could get a better look. A small keyhole made for decoration had been etched into the hilt. The black abyss that lied within; how many times had he scratched his fingernail in that hole, probing the depths of the keyhole wondering why it was there? Too many, so it seemed.
.
Just above the keyhole on the engraving was a man, holding his middle finger to his lips as if to silence him. Did this man in the axe have a secret that he did not want anyone to know? The engraving stared at the young man, never moving. The pupils on the hand carved drawing were as telling as the metal it had been emblazoned on; cold, stone-like.
.
Three fingers-width above the keyhole and in between the secretive man was another such keyhole, smaller, with less detail. Inside the keyhole were three small studs protruding from the inside. He had in the past used his bedding to probe the studs and try to depress them as if they were switches to some unknown secret the man was keeping. Eyes darting back to the man with his finger to his lips, he flipped the large, wide blade over and inspected the other side tirelessly, as if he had never done so before.
.
Three nude women, dancing with masks in their hand, each holding a key in their left hand, looked away from the young man laying in the straw bedding in front of the hearth. Their smooth detailed bosom was soft to the touch and very graphic. Four of his large hands could not cover the head to shield it from the rain, had the gods decided to let it do such a thing. The depiction of the women was almost life like, that the person who engraved such a thing was there, as if he saw through his hands through his engraving tools. Two parapets of stone loomed in the distanced, etched with the finest of obsidian, reaching up into the breech of the weapon. The arrow loops In the parapets themselves were smooth and deep, almost large enough to reach the smallest part of the youngsters pinky finger into if he licked it first.
.
Trees, mountains, shaded boroughs rounded out the designs which almost blended in with the immense detail of the blade. He counted four separate layers, of which three separate styles had been used to render all of this masterpiece. When he shook the blade quietly, he could hear a small 'tinkling' inside. Corrosion and grime had marred the other pitted marks, some of which had not been cleaned which may reveal other key holes, openings, and arrow loops connected to even more parapets and naked dancing women holding many faceted keys to open a smattering of equally faceted locks.
.
He sighed to himself and picked up the end of a piece of straw, licked it, and resumed scraping the etching along a small tower and up towards and grassy tree area. As a new etched scene opened to his touch, another door opened in his mind, revealing an idea of what might lie beyond. One of the candles flickered and guttered out, but he kept scraping all the same, smiling.

Look at me Corso.

Hell has it's heroes, Señor.

I'm Jones-in' for some Jones Bacon Flavored Soda (review)

Yeah they have pizza flavored too, but really, who cares! They have BACON SODA!

I'll explain my experience with the bacony, fizzy concoction in a moment but first where you can buy it: All you have to do is go to Jones' great website, and pick up the multi pack which comes with some Bacon flavored popcorn, bacon chap stick, and wonderful bacon gravy mix so you can wash the soda down with nice bacon gravy... all for the low, low price of $9.99.

I bought my two-pack at the local Barnes & Noble here in Fort Myers. I'll start out by saying that its not real fizzy, but is definitely really bacony.. smoky even. Not like the neon red bacon bits you get at the salad bar, like sweet smoky bacon you would cook at home. It's really only good for a few sips, but I let someone smell it waiting in line and they, like most people, love the smell of bacon and instantly wanted to trade me hours of sex for just one sip. (not really)

Overall I'd give it a 7. It's really not that drinkable, but a good little novelty that almost makes you throw up after three sips. Smells awesome, and increases your man-score by a factor of x7 when drank.

I was banned from Digg - Part One

Last night i was banned from the website http://www.digg.com/.

I'm a long time user and have been submitting links for a long time, at the rate of about one per week. When i get around to it i submit 2 or 3 but i rarely abuse the process and keep it to a minimum. Before i really get started, Digg allows unlimited posting and unlimited comments, and encourages their users to get busy.

Yesterday i found out the limit of that. If you comment on someone else link four time in 24 hours, you get flagged for your account to be banned. If you submit more than four links in a day, you are flagged to get your account banned. If you post any links, add too many friends, scroll too fast, or change your profile significantly, you are being flagged for your account to be banned. Bascially, Digg team members are cocksuckers.

I had commented on four nerdy/geek stories my Digg friends had posted with legitimate comments over 24 hours. My comments were replied too and given the big thumbs up. Digg responded to this by banning me around 10pm last night, and sending me this email:

Your account was reported to us as being in violation of our Terms of Use (http://about.digg.com/tou) that you agree to when you registered for Digg.com.

Specifically spamming Digg stories with spam comments.

From Digg Terms Of Use (http://about.digg.com/tou): 5. USER CONDUCT

7. to submit stories or comments linking to affiliate programs, multi-level marketing schemes, sites/blogs re-purposing existing stories (source hops), or off-topic content;

10. to advertise to, or solicit, any user to buy or sell any products or services. It is also a violation of these rules to use any information obtained from the Services in order to contact, advertise to, solicit, or sell to any user without their prior explicit consent;

We must be vigilant in protecting against activities that compromise the Digg community, we'll unban your Digg account if you agree to Digg's Terms Of Use.

Thank you,


-The Digg Support Team.
P.S. We are cocksuckers and love to suck huge black cocks.


I was told it would be no big deal and my account would get reactiviated, but this is seriously a huge pain in my ass. Because I'm having a hard time keeping this site going with fresh visitors.. being new and all.. Digg.com helps me with about 20% of my viewership. So I need this website, i thought it was cool, and I may have to get along without it if this shit keeps happening. If anyone is reading this and your clicking a link from Digg.com, help a brother out and email these fuck-tards, tell them they suck for me. I would do it myself but I'm not even able to access their help form.

WANT: Bacon Talking Plush

Dear Thinkgeek,

Thank you Thinkgeek. You are so awesome. Making a talking slice of plush bacon is the best thing you ever did, right up there with selling a casette tape slot for your computer. Thanks again.. -Major

Badass Motherfucker Awarded

As I am playing the new COD Black Ops and kicking ass, mocking some poor kid that I just killed with a hatchet, I wondered how I would rank being a badass motherfucker. The more I thought, the more specifications there could be. Are we talking about body count? Land conquered? Type & skill of a kill? Or just being able to kick ass without even lifting a finger?
Then I considered who I thought was a badass. But the list grew the more I thought...there are many more, but here are a few examples:










Then one shined above them all. Not only from the incredible parts he has played in movies and tv. But for the fact that he has actually lived the crazy life. Been to the bottom and the top. So, on the eve of Unknown Hole in the Sky's First Annual Badass Motherfucker Awards, I am happy to congratulate Mr. Danny Trejo for being the Baddest Badass Motherfucker to date.



Sorry Jason Statham, but keep banging Amy Smart in public and maybe you'll qualify next year.

Homemade Portal Gun

God why don't I have one of these. I would keep it in my Delorean, with a years supply of bacon sandwiches, I swear this to you.

Major's Cellphone Pictures 11/10/10

I'm going to try and upload blurry pictures from my cell phone everyday.. I'll try to post some interesting stuff if I come accross it.. odds are I will. Yes that is a 30 sided die in the picture on the bottom. I found it in my change tray thing on the hutch, so far as I know the only reason they exist is to show a random number between 1 and 30.

I see what you are doing...

Happy Anniversary X-Ray

With the 115th anniversary of the discovery of the X-Ray, I thought I'd share some of the best uses I have seen today....and yes, that is a gun shoved up a vagina then X-Rayed. I know German physicist William Röntgen who pioneered the use of x-rays 115 years ago, would be very happy with these pics....your welcome Billy! And now, looking at this last one...I do really want a coke classic. (not that one)














I also found this movie that I have never seen before, but will very soon. Great soundtrack! Doctor Feel Good can suck it!

The 9 Ways To Treat A Woman

Conan!

The grading rubric for Conan O'Brien's return to TV will be as follows (out of 100):

• (5 points): Length of Beard - I think we all know less of Conan's skin is better for our retinas. Besides we want the rugged new TBS Conan. This ruggedness is also for his own sake because God knows he's going to be roughing it - beards give a +1 to roughing it. Everyone knows this.
• (5 points): Quality of first guests - As the new King of TBS, Conan should have as least some control over who his first guests are. I have no idea who they are yet because I'm not a filthy peeker. If you know who they are at least have the common decency to lie about it in the comments section. (Conan should definitely have Chuck Norris on ASAP)
• (5points): Presence of George Lopez - Don't get the wrong idea here; he actually GETS points for NOT having him. I don't want to see him, or hear him, or hear of him. Just leave him completely out of the show. The last thing we need is Lopez walking around like he's one of us cool kids. Conan already has a sidekick AND he already has a heel for his jokes. There's just no room for a man whose shameless self promotion rivals Conan's...
• (5 points): Triumph - The insult comic dog should be turned loose within the TBS studios and given a free pass to all shows to do whatever/whomever he wants. If Conan is the new King of TBS Triumph should be the Prince. This dog in a large studio of full people that are already ashamed should be comic gold.
• (10 points): Andy Richter - This category is already fulfilled. Andy will be returning and will also still be fat and eating on camera. By the way he's a comic genius.
• (10 points): The Acquisition of HornyManatee.com - As of right now, that link will take you to the NBC main page. This is a terrible atrocity and must be stopped. This page should actually be Conan's official site for all online content. Everyone knows about the sites epic history (...or you can click here...I wont judge)
• (20 points): Returning Skits - I really really need to see some "The Interrupter" or "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage" or "The year 2000" or even some "Masturbating Bear" Not only would the presence of these skits mean he has the same writers, it would also begin to fill hole left in my soul by the absence of the show.
• (20 points): Max Weinburg et al - I can still hear this intro even after almost 10 months. Though the biggest factor (aside from having incredibly talented musicians on staff) is that these guys were the heels of the in-show jokes. If they didn't return he'd have to find a new heel... (careful with that one)
• (20 points): Must make fun of both NBC and TBS - This whole debacle is a great chance to make fun of how the media works. Besides think of how long he's had to fume about this stuff... He hasn't had this much time to himself since his first couple of seasons. If I have my way, the greats will fall under the pressure from the altruistic red-headed pale-skinned giant from Boston. I especially can't wait for him to team up with Comedy Central crew... The world will never be the same.

Watch the show!!! Conan is back!!

Epic Bacon Sandwiches - Fuck You Vegetarian Fuckers

You're going to need a nice tall cold glass of beer to wash that down with...

Major Skating at Lehigh Skate Park (Video)

Morgan and I had made several trips to the skate park and other local skating hang outs to get some inspiration for our book, Syntax Error. As I do not own a skate board currently, we would go out on skates and film other people skating, and ourselves. This is one such video of me jumping the box and hitting a couple quarterpipes.

WANT: Hidden Spy Camera Shirt

The posibilities are endless! Capture your friend's sister masterbating on camera, even when she still says don't tell anybody and invites you in, you will always have your digital copy to remind you of the event. Eat an epic piece of bacon while doing coke, and damn! Forgot your camera. Never again I say!

If i had to pick a reason for me to personally have this camera it would be this and only this: I want to hook it up to a webcam when i go out, and have it set to take pictures every 30 seconds. Considering i never leave the bathroom for any reason with the exception of a cold beer, you will only see me shitting and drinking beer. God bless America.

Oh, and buy the shirt here. (Thinkgeek)

Delorean Cake Celebrates 25th Year BttF Reunion

Did you miss me? Had some shit to take care of on the home front and spend time with the family.. that and work has been increasingly adamant that I be there, well, all the time. So, I'm back, and here is my obligatory Back to the Future post for this week:

Click to enlarge.

So the guys from Ace of Cakes finally landed a cool cake to make for their show: A scale Delorean, complete with smoke coming out the back. Micheal Jay does not seem amused, but I'm almost certain he can no longer express that emotion. Is that fire behind the wheels? Awesome I say.

TRON Legacy Trailer 1080p

Sexy Robot Saturday

I know, where has this been? Right? Seriously, aren't we there yet technologically? Twenty-first century and all, with the "Welcome to the World of Tomorrow". But I digress, and here by claim this day and all like it as 'Sexy Robot Saturday'! This comes at a price. I challenge anyone to find a sexier, more warped, robotic female then I have. Cause really, what's better then a hot ass sexy robot babe on a Saturday afternoon?...with an off switch, did I mention that part?

If Bruce Lee & Aaliyah had a badass kid...

...this would be her. I don't know who this girls PR Rep is, but she needs to fire his sorry ass. How can it be that I have never seen this chick before? She is amazing. Holy Shit, I just had to go watch this video again. Look, I have never been a stalker before, but I think this dogs day has come. I just smacked my fiance' out of a dead sleep just to tell her I am leaving to go find this Superhero Singer Model Actress, Victoria Vives. I have seen a lot of actor/actresses try to do the moves, but this chick actually knows her shit. Hate to tell ya ladies, but hot chicks who watch, know and can preform martial arts are so fuckin' SEXY as HELL. And men will do anything for them. So all those times when you bitched and moaned about watching a Kung Fu flick and made him change it, later that night, it was just an anger-bang....trust me. And if you still think I'm kidding, give it a try. I'll say 'I told ya so' in the morning when you're icing it down.




no major
i haven't found any naked vids yet, but ya know how diligent i can be

Playorc.com - Detailed Orc Sex (with pictures!)

What i feel right now has nothing to do with what's in my pants.. no not at all. This is a different sensation alltogether, like puking on puke.

I stumbled upon this site for something to make me laugh and give me ideas about writing. Playorc.com is part of the Orc Magazine website, where they feature hand drawn Orc women in various forms of undress and often having sex. It's a take off on Playboy i suppose, except it's all fan art and it all pretty much sucks. Sometimes you find a diamond in the rough:



Orc/human rape is always good.

On the main page is a huge elaborate fan fiction called "The Tales of the Wars" for no other reason if just to have it. I guess you read the fan fiction then look at the hand drawn Orc titties and beat the meat. I considered it, then threw up on myself. Of course, i read the fan fiction, which is not all that bad if you take out all the orc pussy-tight references. How can an orc pussy be tight? It's like a foot long for god's sake.

 Memorable quotes from Book 1: The prelude to War

"Then, on the sixth day, something unforeseen happened. In the early afternoon, on a hot summer day, an orc walked very near the bush she had been concealed in and began to urinate. She had heard tales of the mythical size of Orcish manhood. They turned out to be true."

"He roughly grabbed a thigh with one hand while uncoupling his belt with the other. A thick slab of Orc manhood came down upon her crotch, it's weight quite apparent."

"His length was enough to fill her there too. She felt the two cocks begin to move within her, and shortly another tube was thrust into her face. She felt ecstasy as the three seemed to fight each other for her. Three cocks thrust into her at a time, and her head swam as though she was fevered."


I can't post any more than that. It goes on and on, more of the same. Someone really likes the Orc Pie.. which is fine by me. Now if morgan can find the live action version of this, I'll kiss his ass.



Goonies 25th Year Anniversary Edition Bluray Released

Another 5 years pass, and another Goonies DVD set comes out.. blah blah.. wha-wha-whaaa?

You get a Goonies board game, a reproduction of the map to find your own rich stuff in the Astoria area, cells from the movie, the book adaptation and a copy of Empire magazines reunion article... and the movie which has a little bit more special stuff than the DVD release.

I do declare this to be the bomb, and you should buy it now.