RETRO CITY RAMPAGE

Ever wanted to play River City Ransom, but on a more Grand Theft Auto terrain? Yeah me too.

Retro City Rampage OFFICIAL Trailer from Vblank on Vimeo.

Wait what did i just see? If you watched the movie correctly you may have seen 20 or more moments from other games, sprites and all. Stealing the Ninja Turtles van from he NES game, fighting baddies in Hyrule!?

The Worm Hole Coffee Shop: Now with more Deloreans

Birdy Nam Nam - The Parachute Ending

If you have not seen this video yet, you FUCKING HAVE TO. I MEAN IT.

Do you like the 80's and strange music that you can not turn off? Well do you? This cartoon is evil in so many ways. I can not count the number of subliminal messages.. the music is an infection.

Click here for the full version of the song.

Cee-Lo - Fuck You (This is my new anthem)

Star Trek: The Game (Atari 1983 Commercial)

Why am i not playing this game right now. WHY GOD!

New Geek Product: Slave Leia Perfume

Thanks Toplessrobot. Also, order your supply for the Holocaust that is sure to come right here.

If i had to take a guess on the smell: Jasmine, T36 Blaster Rifle Ozone, with just a touch of the sweetest in science fiction ass.

New Halo Reach Videos Released

More Halo: Reach Videos

Syntax Sundays - Part One

I'm going to post a little bit of our book each Sunday, see if anyone likes it. And you better fucking like it.

Chapter I

Green Smoke

'Welcome to the fair city of Boldhome. Please choose a path: You may go North, South, East or West. To the East is the pawn shop; to the North is a path that winds its way through the town proper; to the South is a path exiting the city; to the West is the Thieves Guild. What is your next action my lord? (n, s, e, w)'

Geoff Hendricks saw his reflection in the computer monitor staring back at him. Dark hair hanging in his green eyes reflecting in the screen. His long lean frame arched over the keyboard, fingers ready and waiting for the next keystroke. Rings of smoke blown from his lips with precision float through the hot, dry air exploding and dissipating against the monitor. He could see beads of sweat reflecting, rolling down his cheek through the slightest sign of hair growth. For the first time ever, he may have to shave. What a dreary concept. Rubbing his chin and crushing his cigarette into the ashtray, he flicked his hair from his face, typing quickly with his right hand.

North.

'North it be sir! To your west is the news paper stand with all the best local news, to the east is the bank, and to the north is the path exiting our fair city, and of course the path to the south would bring you back, whence you came. Your choice lord? (n,s,e,w)'

West.

'West it be lord! If you like to buy a paper, the price is 5 gold pieces. Otherwise you may choose a path: To the nort...'

Before it could finish: Buy paper.

'We have your paper right here lord. Would you like to read it ? (y,n)'

Yes. But really, no.

Geoff didn't really have to think about what was to come next. Already disappointed in himself for such a foolish error, thanks mostly to his incompetent left hand that tended to miss keystrokes frequently. He had died, and wanted to see if anyone had shared his same misery within the game. At least in this, he would feel better.

'A wonderful young man bit the dust today, of level 11, and a Paladin no less! Syntax was utterly slaughtered by a pack of marauding wolves straying too far from the Castle of Ice. In other news, a boastful sprite of a thief named Griselda was poked through his gully whats in what we like to call a shish-ka-bob moment. In other news...'

Ugly Americans : Hits a little close to home.

Ugly Americans	Weds 10:30pm / 9:30c
Fun Bags
www.comedycentral.com

The Ninth Gate has been opened!

To travel in silence / by a long and circuitous route, / To brave the arrows of misfortune / and fear neither noose nor fire, / To play the greatest of all games / and win, foregoing no expense / is to mock the vicissitudes of Fate / and gain at last the key / that will unlock the Ninth Gate.

Shadowrun - Yeah, they created the Matrix.

The Matrix

In earlier editions, direct neural interface technology enabled humans and metahumans to directly access computers and the Matrix, the ingame global computer network restructured after the 2029 Crash. Access to the Matrix was accomplished by "deckers": individuals that have "cyberdecks". These interface machines are connected to the brain through a Datajack generally located at the temple or behind the ear.

In Shadowrun 4th edition, the Matrix rules have changed, thanks to the setting's constant evolution and a drive to match real world technological developments. After the second Matrix crash in 2064, Matrix technology was moved away from the wired network and led into a wireless technology. The most noticeable difference between the Matrix in the 2070s and the earlier editions is that wireless technology has become completely ubiquitous. Communications and Matrix access is provided through wi-fi nodes placed throughout the infrastructure of just about every city on Earth, fulfilling a service similar to contemporary cell towers - but as these nodes are as numerous as telephone poles, only a tiny percentage of their range is necessary. The nodes of all electronic devices a person carries are connected in a similar manner, creating a Personal Area Network (PAN). People access their PAN with their Commlink, a combination personal computer/cell phone/PDA/wireless device available either as an implant or a head-mounted display. This access can be the total sensory immersion common to cyberpunk fiction, or a sensory enhancement by which the virtual features of one's physical surroundings can be perceived and manipulated. The Matrix of the 2070s is thus not only a virtual reality, but an augmented or mixed reality.

Cyberdecks are obsolete, so "deckers" have once again become "hackers". In turn, the otaku of previous versions (deckers who did not need decks to access the Matrix) have been reworked into technomancers, who possess an innate connection to the Matrix that permits them to access the wireless network without hardware.

Via Wikipedia

Dragon Warrior - The Cartoon Series (Wtf?)

Dragon Warrior is a crazy popular NES games, called Dragon Quest in Japan. Of course there was a cartoon series aired briefly in america based on a popular manga by the same name! For shame.

Toned waaaay back for american audiences and labled G, the show bombed in america and no one really watched it. For NES players like myself, this show ranked right up there with Super Mario Bros. Super show, and The Legend of Zelda Cartoon. Oh, and when i mean toned back, check out the Japanese Intro: (Did i see brains and ass?)

Obscure Cartoo.. Bravestarr!

I'm not going to lie, Bravestarr is a badass cartoon. Super futuristic cowboys with lazers blow shit up, save lives, the world, and always laugh at the end of every episode. One episode in particular, a bit character get hooked on a drug called "Spin", gets fucked up and addicted, and dies. Yes overdoses and dies right there on the spot. Like most Filmation cartoons of note, there is a lesson to be learned at the each episode, and in Bravestarr, it's don't get fuck with "Spin."

The trailer is obviously badass, and like most Filmation shows that never made it, way over funded and excellent animation.

All the characters in the show can channel their "Spirit Animal" and turn loose a whole fuckload of hell upon their enemies. Their mounts, or sidekicks, are horses that can talk, make jokes, and also have tons of special powers. The setting: New Texas. Fuck yeah. Customary Episode:

Obscure Cartoons part whatever - Blackstar

I'm not obscessed. I just like things not alot of people pay attention to. Enter the cartoon Blackstar. I really like this one. (Anything Fantasy really)

This was Filmation's pretty early edition into the Animation marketplace, and it shows. Not bad really, like a watered down Conan, which was very popular at the time. Think Thundarr, and mix in a little bit of the Conan animated series and you have this. Mildly popular in Canada, Blackstarr was the precursor to He-Man, and the smililarities are much too obvious. Just change the title, and it may pass as He-Man. Made in 1981.

People looking for the Powerstar or fuckstar or Porksword or whatever and they need it to fuck shit up. I really can follow this, but it takes 3 Nattie Light tall boys and a luke warm ham and cheese sandwich to process the data so i don't think it's He-Man. As always, here is an episode:

Obscure Cartoons of Awesomeness - The Mighty Orbots

I can't say i watched this when i was kid and that says alot. I was almost glued to the TV until the age of 12, and even then managed to watch pick up shows in syndication before school started.

The Mighty Orbots is a cartoon with, dare i say, remarkable production values and a gigantic budget. For 1983, i don't think i've seen a better cartoon. Obviously Japanese and Anime driven, The Mighty Orbots ran for about 6 months in 1984 on ABC, and then in Japan around the same time. Spanning 13 episodes, it was lost and never aired again. Time to thank Youtube yet again.

Robots are everywhere because Japanese people are obsessed with such things, and Andriods are bad guys, one in particular is some kind of super computer named Shadow. Or the group is named Shadow. Or what the fuck ever. They fight the bastards with their robots and shoot shit. Alot of talking for a cartoon but seriously good, and and stands the test of time. Check out an episode:

Spartakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea

I lived in Vermont for most of my young life, until i was 12 years old. The TV in Florida was much different thant the TV in Vermont. One thing in particular, french programming was a mainstay and translated french progromming was the alternative. Two of my favorite programs growing up were The Racoons and Spartakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea. The Racoons had a huge budget, and every episode looked like a disney movie, new short movies are still being made today. Spartakus stood out for me, as it was Science Fiction Themed, had strange creatures, and just did not make much sense.

So this is this lost-world-city called Arkadia, which is way under the surface of the earth and lit by this artifical sun, which is dying. A team of kids (i guess) defy the law of the world, and go out looking in the Archives (?) which to me looks like some acients computers in storage. The build an andriod and bring her with them, and they goto the surface for help. They meet two kids and lots of assholes. It can be quite comical, but even for a french cartoon is pretty serious. Oh, and theme is sung by Menudo. It was translated and aired in America for like a year on Nickelodeon, but i continued to watch it on the french channels for years to come.

Smoke em' if you got em'....

What are those Benson & Hedges he's smoking???

Korgoth of Barbaria - Most Violent and Awesome Cartoon That Never Was

Korgoth of Barbaria is the brain child of one Aaron Springer, you know, the Sponge Bob Square Pants guy. That is where the similarities end.

Announced as a series by Cartoon Network, and only aired as a piolt one time, it became the hottest thing around and was picked up to become a series instantly.

Then it was cancelled. The End. No im not kidding just fucking watch it right now. Just the opening sequence shows him kill a deer with only his teeth, munch on some girls boobs, then she turns into a monster, which he promptly slices in half.

Daicon IV Animation - Kicking Darth Vaders Ass

Want to see an Animated Chick in a bunny suit kcik the shit out of every franchise out there? (Aliens, Starwars, Voltron, and a dozen more if you can spot them) Skip to 2:25 for the best stuff.



For more information on how this was created and why it changed the Anime industy as we know it back in 1983, click here.

How to take force permission and delete processes, Windows 7 and Vista

That's pretty much what i think about Windows Vista, and Windows 7 is not far behind. I still have a love affair with XP, i got use to the system in Windows 2000 SP4, tinkered and put my hand deep within her insides. XP only made Win2k better, and it was prettier, and super reliable.. ahh.. the good ol' days.

All my computers in the house are XP powered, except my new Laptop. I have been forced to learn how to take control of my computer. None of the little tricks i had tried with XP work now, so if i learn something so you can have a normal computer again, so be it.

To FORCE permission of a running process in order to move/rename/delete.
1) Hold the windows key and press R
2) Type CMD
3) type takeown /f C:\Windows\System32\"file name here no spaces"
4) hit enter.

Now you own that file and no stupid fucking program can tell you what to do with it. Now to give yourself full control of the file so you are able to delete it: (yes there is a difference.

To FORCE controls of a running process after gaining permission to do so:
1) Hold the windows key and press R
2) Type cmd
3) type cacls C:\Windows\System32\"file name here no spaces"/G "full user name here":F
4) hit enter
5) type Y

I swear to christ if you leave the quotes in, your an idiot, so take them out. Ocassionally you need to get rid of a running process if you are a PirateBay kind-of-guy, so you can replace one DLL with another to register a program etc. Again, this was not a problem in XP. Why does a product you buy make you jump through hoops in order to take command of your own processes? It's mine! I'll fuck it up if i want to! Assholes.

Readyboost.. What the fuck is it?

Do you have Windows 7 or Windows Vista? Do you have a USB 2.0 flashdrive or SD card laying around?

Then you are ready for Readyboost.

Ill sum it up for you. Insted of using your hard drive for Virtual Memory, and caching filenames and programs, Readyboost allows you to buffer (like VM) on your SD or thumbdrive which is about 14 times faster than your hardrive, or more. Significant gains can be made with computers with 1GB of ram and under, but even powerhouse computers can find some speed gains when opening large files or programs like Adobe Photoshop, and Microsoft office. Click here for the full overview.

How To

1) Put a thumb drive in, about twice the space as your maximum amount of Ram.

2) Select Readyboost from the menu that pops up, its at the bottom.

3) Move the slider all the way over to the right and let the whole amount be used. You can have up to 256gb of Readyboost. wow.

Did i see an increase?

I saw a 30% increase in loading programs on average, especially in Photoshop when loading large images. I noticed a 12 second reduction in boot time. 12 seconds! World of warcraft had a noticabled difference as well, even more so when using the Windows Media Player trick.

World's Greatest Laptop

I became obsessed with laptops after i realized i could never fix them. I had been given an IBM Toughbook by a buisnessman client i had when i ran a small Computer fix-it-up buisness.. this was back when it was still cheaper for me to fix it, then pay the Best Buy Garuntee. I told him i would fix it, but would need time because i had never seen or worked on an IBM Toughbook, and it seemed welded together. He did not pay me up front, which was customary, and for whatever reason, i never saw him again.

I found a friend who knew more than i did about such thingds that worked at a competetor, so he helped me out in exchange for some driver disks and such. I got the beast running again and instantly fell in love. Nothing could hurt this monster. I was not afraid to toss it in the back seat with a bunch of tools, or throw it on the kitchen table roughly. You could spill a beer in the keyboard and it would not blink an eye. This being my first PC Laptop i thought all PC laptops were like this, and was throughly impressed.

Over a year later Joe Buisnessman came back to my Duplex apartment and asked for his computer back. I told him its been a year or more, and that it would cost him $500 for the repair. He paid with cash, and took the best thing i have ever owned out of my life.. well besides my car.

Forget huge screens and AlienWare bull shit, that Toughbook was blazing fast, bulletproff and water proof. When you hit the CD eject button, the CD rom flipped up from under the keyboard. WHAT. They are made by Panasonic now, which is fine and they look pretty much the same. They come in touchscreen, tablet, and fucking awesome. Below is a video of some guys pouring water and driving cars over one, and show it still works. For those who wonder what i have now, click here. (mine is the 16.4in screen, black on black)

And now for some other laptops i think are nice, but they dont have the Fabled Mistress Port, so they are just OKAY.

Of Movie Rooms and Brown Blankets: Part Two

Being crazy teenagers came with a firm set of rules...

::Cough::

...All of which did not apply at Gary's house for some reason.

When spending the night at his house, you ran this risk.. which can only be explained in two ways: 1) Something terrible or frightening could happen to you, or 2) Something so inexplicably cool could happen to you. The only middle ground was the Brown Blanket.

He slept with this blanket, and every nubile young thing had slept with it to. It had never been washed. No one had ever asked any questions about said blanket, you just kind of stayed away and hoped that when you came over it was put away or not in a place where you could sit and accidentally touch it some how. Part comforter and part downy-fleece, this blanket harbored more DNA that was available at the Fort Myers Free Clinic. Folded in half and stood on its end, it could resemble a tent in it's rigidity and cardboard like stiffness, yet its downy threadbare appearance made you wonder what was actually used in it's construction. I knew: Fear mostly. That and the tears of Red-headed virgins on the sun coast.

An awkward moment came when it was time to go to sleep.

"Want to sleep in the bed?" Gary would ask nicely.

"No that's okay. Thanks though." I could not keep eye contact.

"Are you sure? You can use the blanket if you want."

I Shook my head. "No that's okay. Thanks, ill take the floor."

He knew fucking well i was not going to accept his offer or The Blanket. I can only compare that blanket to the Baking Soda in your fridge, its been there so long it must have the flavor of everything in the fridge past and present, so you are tempted to taste it and find out. Except i was not willing to taste the blanket, and did not know which fridge it had been in.

Scenario #1
.

Tyler, Kyle, Myself and Gary were watching hentai in the Movie Room. (Hentai is anime porn) Gary had invited us over because the girls swim team (yes the whole fucking team) was over and he could not stop talking about 15 year old girls with double D tits. We all had other plans but canceled them promptly when hearing our good fortune. We really didn't have a choice in the matter anyways, he was going to keep calling until we showed up and the idea of huge watery tits was a good idea indeed.

We each had taken a random girl from the Fort Myers High swim team into the movie room for some innocent or not so innocent happenings. In the corner i grabbed a blanket from the top of the pile, looked underneath and saw only one more blanket. Gary had The Blanket and was satisfied to know that no one would ever stake claim to it.

Tyler's hand touched the last blanket in the pile at the very same time Kyle's hand did.

Tyler ripped the blanket from Kyle's grasp and yelled at him. Kyle got mad and walked in and out of the room several times in anger while Tyler laughed and played with his Swim Team honey under the stolen blanket. This further enraged Kyle to the point where he locked himself up in Gary;s room, not to come out for the rest of the night, no matter how loud the screams got as Gary threw girl after girl in the jacuzzi and pool until inevitably their tops would come off and everyone would rejoice.

Crazy A, a friend of ours, some time later decided to pick a fight with Tyler. Tyler has a short fuse, and Aaron likes to fight, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. They went outside Brian's golf course house and had a wonderful showdown on the 18th green. During the exchange, they fell on the ground together and it looked like Aaron was laughing while Tyler may have cried or screamed, i could not tell which.

Enter Kyle.

He ran in from the side yard, making quick work of the fairway leading up to the green and kicked Tyler in the ribs so hard i sucked air through my clenched teeth and turned my head away. Again and again i watched him kick Tyler and out of his mouth i heard the phrase I'll never forget:

"That's what you get for taking my FUCKING blanket in the movie room!"

I looked over at Gary and he squealed in delight, rubbing his hands together as if massaging in lotion or oil. He even shook my hand. Five minutes later he left, Kyle and Tyler were friends again, and Crazy A laughed it off taking a dump in the bathroom.

**True Story**