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My name is Major.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Joysticks (1983) Movie Review


I was actually trying to find some movies that had Arcade games from the 80's in them, to get some inspiration from the book I'm writing, Syntax Error, when i came across this gem from 1983. Ironically the same year the video game industry crashed. Coincidence? Oh i think not, sir.

If you grew up in the early 80's middle school/early high school era, and you feel the need to relive the dark dingy greasy shitty arcade games from that time period, than i would say this movie would be perfect for you. If you enjoy breasts, there are some, but they really aren't even all that good. What really hot topless girl would find herself with a bunch of nerds in an arcade anyway? I've asked myself these questions for about the last hour before i wrote this review.


The movie starts off with a really good montage-mash up of kids playing arcade games and some basic credits. I'm surprised they could afford the graphic overlays for the intro credits.. seriously.


The main character is a huge nerd, made up to look like one with the glasses and mannerisms. It's obvious from the picture above that he has no idea what a pair of tits and vagina look like.


A gang soon rolls along and threatens the existence of the arcade the movie is based in. Of course, this leads to some nudity, and a challenge to "save" the arcade. I don't really know what they are saving it from. Let's assume they trash the arcade games (they don't) or they steal the girls away so more nerds wont come (they didn't) and then they buy the place (yeah right), this movie would still be pretty horrible. The games are pretty awesome i will admit.


The gang rides on this mini-bikes, and seem to be pretty into it. The girls in the background in this scene openly laugh at the gang leader as he gets into his role. Surprisingly enough, when the gang roll sup to the arcade, no one laughs and seem pretty shit-your-pants afraid.



The challenge later culminates in a showdown on a life sized arcade panel with bowling balls for arcade Joysticks, and a movie screen to play on.


Complete with a Pacman font, the arena is obviously all kinds of awesome. It's now obvious where the budget of the movie went. After this scene, the good guys won, and the gang just leaves, unsure of what to do next. Looking back, arcades seemed like the place to hang out after school. You could smoke and play video games, buy drugs and occasionally see a breast or two. My only experience with arcades has lead me to dealings with shady management and owners, theft, and a stolen merchandise ring right here out of the Edison Mall in Fort Myers Florida.

I think it's pretty safe to download this movie, considering i can't find who owns the rights to it. I'm assuming no respectable person would admit ownership of this steaming 1980's turd.




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