The history of the Internet: Major's Version Part 1

The Internet was fresh and new when i was in 5th grade. I had a friend named Ryan who had a small 286 setup in his room in which he could connect to prodigy with. Prodigy, for those who knew about it, was America Online, but with less features. It had integrated email. They charged by the minute, so was closely monitored by parents. I do remember the email system had a major flaw: you could not pick you're own email. It was assigned to you and was just a mess of letters and numbers.

Ryan did nothing special on Prodigy. Thinking back, it was so limited, it had no choice but to be the biggest most expensive piece of shit out there. A 9800 baud modem can only do so much. Or can it?

We discovered the terminal program after we got to learn about how to use one at school. I should explain, but our school, which is in the very small city in Vermont named Winooski, had a super advanced computer program. I'm not sure why. I was involved with two after school programs to get my "Computer License", which was a made up thing the school system had devised so you could have unfettered access to the computer after school hours in the technology lab. (extension of the library) I learned how to fix computers, say correct terminology, use basic graphic design programs, and manipulate DOS. I was sent home with a book about modem commands that had sample phone numbers of local BBSes in the neighboring cities of Burlington. When i passed a written test, i was the third child in the program in the state of Vermont to receive my license that really meant nothing except one thing: i could enter and just about stay the night in the computer lab at school.

Our computer lab consisted of about 20 Macintosh apple IIe computers that all kids could use in the school. Separate from that were about 12 Macintosh LC computers running an ancient version of The Finder. I remember when the computers were brought in, we had to watch a video on how to use a visual operating system to store data on a hard drive instead of 5 1/4 inch floppies. A crude password system with an image of a knight holding a shield protected the computers from unwanted access so only those with the correct password which was written on the back of you're license, would allow you use the computer. The computer lab was open from 3pm after school, until about sundown. Often times, no one would be there and everything would be unlocked, which was better for us.

Using the LCom program on Ryan's computer, we called BBS systems all over Burlington. Often times it was busy, sometimes we would get in to a random system only to be kicked out. One BBS in particular seemed to have infinite nodes and was called The Dog Dish. I could be wrong about the name, but i googled the BBS list for around that time, and it sounds pretty accurate. After logging in, there were several text games you could play like L.O.R.D., which I've talked about before. You could chat with people, look at text files people have uploaded, and download small files. One of the files we downloaded was another list of BBS servers in the area that were not listed in any directory. One such server was called The Game Channel. It had maybe 2 nodes so you had to call all the time to connect. There was a timer of about one hour from the time you logged in to play games, download things, and get off. It used the Fido server, we found out later.

I would spend the night at my friends house and wait till the same time every night log on to Game Channel and play some shitty multiplayer games that were pretty horrible by today's standards with one exception: you played them against other people, and sometimes on a rare occasion, in real time with the person logged in to the other node. One hour was never enough to play all the games and have time to download something cool. ANSI graphics of playboy centerfolds, new games that we had no idea how to save and load. Too much information was available and we had no idea how to access it. Plans ran though my head, and no sooner did i devise a solid foundation for my lunacy did my technology-computer-owning-friend move away to somewhere in central Vermont. I teased him that he was moving so he could be closer to the new Ben & Jerry's factory in Stowe. (He was over weight at the time)

Plan A: Learn something new

My father was, I'm pretty sure, forced to obtain a degree in computer programming from the local university for his job at Champlain Water District. They were converting everything over to a new computer controlled setup, so they could open and close valves all over the state. I'm guessing they had to move water somewhere previously, they had to make a phone call, someone drove down to the tank, and opened the valve by hand for a certain measured amount of time, and thus the water was moved elsewhere. My father designed a program that visually showed an operator where water was, how much, and with a click, transfer it anywhere in the state. Advanced technology for it's time I'm sure. With him getting so in to computers, it was the perfect opportunity for me to learn something about terminals and communication.

Holiday's and weekends he took me to work with him. He let me transfer water, showed me the programming parts i was interested about, we even created a crude Golf game with Q-Basic that was pretty popular in the office. I enjoyed every day we spent playing with the computers and really learned the fundamentals of computer technology and how information systems work. Armed with my budding knowledge, i asked the computer lab teacher at school for a BBS program of my own. Not owning a computer, thinking i could just install it on a school computer, this seemed like pretty good idea at the time. My new dream was to own and operate a BBS.

I don't remember the computer teacher's name for the life of me, but he had a useless right arm in a sling that he would tuck disks into like another pocket. he typed bast with that right hand let me tell you. I begged for a BBS. He said no. I bothered him day after day. Once, i called him at home from a phone number i got from my neighbor the principal. No again. After a month of asking, he relented, letting me use his multi monitor personal computer in his personal office to log on to a BBS client. In no was was i allowed to install anything, but now i was back online without my friend with the 286. I could be on the computer without supervision for at least 4 hours every weekday. Four hours of downloading games, chatting with people in other cities, and learning how to tame Fido.

Plan B: Hijacking a node, not getting caught

I read a text file on a one-node BBS with some random crappy technology name about Fido commands. Like a modern day help file, but written by someone on just what they had read from a  book, or figured out themselves. It had personal notations about canceling authorities, holding nodes open, and so on. It took me 3 hours to print the whole file at school that day to bring home and study. Within the week i was staying on random BBS servers for unlimited amounts of time, downloading protected files, knocking people offline, and just creating general havoc for system administrators in the 802 area code. Not that all servers were Fido, but most were at the time. It was an easy system to maintain, and could be run from any basic piece of junk computer.

People would often catch me causing a problem on their computer and would kick me off, then proceed to call the schools modem phone number. This is right around the time when *69 was advertised on TV for $1.75 each use, so you can imagine the people were pretty pissed. I could hear the warble of the modem picking up for a call, much like a fax, then someones horribly distorted mad voice coming through the small speaker on the modem under the desk. I had a little following in the computer lab, and my friends found this to be about the most funny thing they had seen in a while, so eventually word got around that i was up to no good. I lied my ass off when confronted by the computer lab teacher. I had a feeling he really did not care what i did. I imagined his house to be a blinking neon shit-house of technology, confusing outsiders like Japanese billboards in Bladerunner, eyes red and watery staring at no less than 200 hundred massive 15" CRT monitors, in their nightmarish, beige, plastic glory, as if to find some closely guarded international secret warehouse... full of Unicorn boners. I looked up to him. I needed him, his computers, and less importantly, his dwindling knowledge.


Part Two Tomorrow..

Skyrim: Dawnguard

Continuing with Bethesda's plan for world domination, we have the recently announced Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim expansion, Dawnguard.  Join in with vampires to steal the Elder Scrolls in an attempt to blot out the sun, or join the Dawnguard to become the coolest vampire hunter since VanHelsing.  We don't have any hard evidence of what the expansion will bring us but some things are made apparent from the video.

• Mounted Combat - One of the most asked for features since Oblivion, it looks as though we can hack and slash from our horses at last.
• New Character Models - Much like werewolves in Skyrim, it looks as though you can gain the power of the Vampire (Demon?) in Dawnguard.  Shouts seem as though they are also possible while in this form and much like werewolves, you will need to feed to maintain this extra power.
• New Weapons and Clothing - Crossbows!  Capes!
• Swimming Dragons? - Yeah, I don't know either, but anything to make dragons more interesting / difficult is OK by me.  

Unfortunately, there's also no word on when to expect this expansion.  Planned for sometime this summer, we have until roughly August to wait.  PC gamers and PS3 owners (all ten of you) will have to wait an additional 30 days from the release of the expansion.  Much like the days of Splinter Cell, Microsoft has exclusive one month rights to this DLC.

Prepare yourselves adventurers.  The tyranny of the sun shall end!

Elder Scrolls MMORPG Teaser!

I've played all the other Elder Scrolls games, including the old mobil phone version on my breaks when i worked at the liquor store. I would lie if i told you i was not excited; like my balls exploding out of my pants excited.

Now to pick a new video card..

Old timey TOGTFO

How to be creepy on the Internet in 5 easy steps

     I've said it before, I'm not a creepy guy, I don't go looking for people. Once upon a time i had someone ask me how to find someone. He felt as if he had some unfinished business with an ex girlfriend who moved away. He did not know where she went so all he had was a name. I promised to help. As to not waste time at home doing something stupid like this, we did all the research at work where i would be paid to do it. In the course of one or so shifts we had uncovered some pretty cool information, and it's really all common sense.

     Before we got online we decided to brainstorm where to find information. Marriage certificates, rental lease, home purchase, tax payments, registration of any kind.. all great things we thought of looking for. Bad news though, most of the above you at least need to know where the person is. So..

Step 1) Google. You will need to find out at least what county they live in. Using myself as an example (a bad one at best) i was able to find out where i live and my phone number in 15 minutes. Getting a card out of my wallet for a salesperson that services the company i worked for, i was able to do the same in about 10 minutes. In one rare case i was able to find out the date of an impending marriage of two people by their public online registration on Bed Bath and Beyond. Here is the link. Google is just plain fucking scary in general. I mean it.

Step 2) Use the clerk of courts. This is almost always a hit. Public information is ready and free to search almost always yielding an address or phone number. People get tickets, get sued, register vehicles, buy or sell a house and so on.

Step 3) Social Networking Sites. Always make a dummy account and search for the user specifically. If you remember who they were friends with, search them as well using their friends as a reference. In the case you feel that you are blocked such as on facebook, friend your dummy account that count your friend's friends. Sounds dumb huh? It's not. Most often the person you are looking for thinks your a hateful asshole and wants you blocked. Counting through your friend's friend list, you may notice a certain someone you did not see before.

Step 4) Background check. Use to get these for free at work. Don't even need a SSN to get started, just some basic information such as either a D.O.B. or place of birth. This normally will give the current address and some times a phone number if they have got a ticket recently. This will also reveal their SSN. Some websites charge as little as $5 for this service. **Note: Don't tell me this does not reveal your social. It does. Depends on the check.**

Step 5) Website registry. Often times people sign up for websites, forums, coupon sites and so on. This information might as well just be handed to you. Here is the results of me just typing in "Major Asselin Profile" on Google. Just on the main page you can see my phone number and address. I'm not logged in to anything, it's just a lack of security all around from many different websites. You may have to be more specific on the name with this one, i just happen to have a unique name. (Use the middle name if possible)

     That's it. Your now officially stalking your ex-girlfriends and getting a stomach ache when you find out they are married with kids that don't look like you. Congratulations. Also, this makes you a creepy asshole.



Book Collecting 101

I collect lots of things, but my real passion is.. you guessed it, books. I've collected games and systems, board games, posters, cards, movies, comics.. and sold them all and not regretted it one bit. The books have found a place in my house every time I moved, and i never put any in boxes.

I started buying and sorting books in my room when i was in 7th grade, and in my first year moving to Florida after my parents divorce. My dad bought me a used bed that had a book case in the headboard that would hold about 50+ books. Compelled, i got my lord of the rings trilogy together and set them up like little soldiers right behind where i layed my pillow. One problem, it looked empty. My dad asked me if i wanted some more books, and i said yes just to fill up the headboard so it did not look stupid. For some reason i felt if my friends were to come over, or a girl, they would wonder why i had just three books in there. I was convinced some day a girl would come over so this was pretty important.

He took me to the Flea Market at the run down drive-in movie theatre several times and i got it filled up. I had only ever read fantasy books and not that many really so had no idea what i was looking for. By coincidence i picked up several Piers Anthony books. One night, laying awake in a small duplex in the ghetto with no TV, phone, or anything to entertain me, i reached behind the headboard and grabbed one of these Anthony books and began to read. I stayed up all that night to read that book, and nearly missed the bus the next morning. I had to have more!

By the time i was 16, I had finished collecting Piers Anthony books and had most editions and at least one legit copy of each title he published, which was around 250 to 300 books. I had others in my collection by different authors but with no serious direction how i bought them, or how i read them. Altogether i had about 500 books total or 2 book cases and that stupid headboard full to overflowing. I have pictures I will upload later if i can find them. Yes, i took pictures of my books.

Limited funds did not allow me to buy books for a few years after high school. If i saw something at a garage sale for 10 cents i would pick it up, otherwise i would just skip it. So between 2000 and 2002 i bought and read maybe 75 books total. My hand written ledger confirms this. So for those who are keeping track, i had about 575 books at this point. That's about 3 Super Target bookcases super-full. Between 2003 and 2004, i became a hunter. I pinned thrift stores and flea markets on paper maps in my bedroom and made weekly road trips. People brought me books they were throwing away. I abused the paperback exchange stores with throw away books from libraries and picked up another 300 books in this time. Money way better, so i spent it. In the long term, my hobby does not really cost anything significant, and my girlfriend at the time was supportive and loved telling people our house was a library.

In 2004 i got married (different woman) and my hording tapered off some. I started to sell some of my first edition rare titles to make some extra money in 2008. I told my wife anything over $100.00 list on ebay is going to be sold which she was really happy about as our house just got destroyed by a tornado. (the books were fine) I sold three books before i almost had some kind of emotional breakdown. I had sold or lost everything else i collected over the years, why should i sell something I've some passionate about? I felt with each ebay sale as if a piece of me was being sucked away.

Once we stabilized and had our son, i dragged myself to every store i could find, plotting my weekends finding, sorting, reading, writing, and just collecting more books. In this period of time between 2009 and 2011, i bought over 1000 books. Yes you read that right. And i only sold one, for the sole purpose of using that money to buy even more books.

I changed jobs in 2011 and all of a sudden, I'm getting paid about double what i use to make. My job allows me to travel Florida and see new things and find all these hidden book store not on google. The 50 mile radius around my house became dry, and the only things i could find were at garage sales. I started to search abroad and discovered gold. Since may 2011, i have brought back over 500 books home with me. Again, i only sold one for some mad money to buy even more books.

I do not have all my books in my database yet as i have been buying them faster than i can get them sorted and put in, but i think I'm well over 2,500 different science fiction and fantasy paper backs. With that i have about 500 or more hard backs. It's enough to fill a room full of bookcases, which is exactly what i will be doing in the coming weeks.. buying lots of bookcases and getting everything organized. I might have to take time off work for this one.



Sorry no posts this week, working too much.

Thinking about pulling a "Ferris" and finding a way out of work, but seems impossible for now. So far I've worked over 90 hours this week, and as I'm writing this i should be out the door already.

Quick updates:

My monitor is turning yellow.
My son threw up on me last night.
I found out that tacos made the "tradtional way" are not really tacos at all.
Sometimes you don't have time to take a dump.

That is all.

The FInal Upgrade: Soundcard Edition

I had good sound before I got the card, 5.1 on-board sound. The 7.1 headset is nice, but not the greatest for movies. Too much bass, not enough tinny little artifacts of sound I love. The speakers I have support 7.1, so i figured i would make the wife mad and get one last upgrade before I call it.

I decided on the Soundblaster Audigy 2 after reading many favorable reviews on some tech websites. THX certified really means nothing to me as I have seen it on some real low end cards so did not play a factor in the end result. I took heed to the warnings about troublesome setup and then promptly ignored them.

I bought the card at CompUSA and put it in that afternoon. First thing i noticed was that the card came with like three books in several different languages, so i threw them in the garbage post haste. Installing the drivers was a snap and they did not work at all. I downloaded new drivers from the website and those did not work either. Using a tried and true program, Audio Sandbox, in combination with the downloaded Windows 7 drivers, i was able to get it to work. Using several splitters i was able to add speakers to the back and my extra sub without a problem. The installed surround application just did not work at all, so once again i used Audio Sandbox to get my speakers in the right place sounding great. Frustration after installing this fucking card could only be quelled by several Sam Adams beers.

If you don't have Audio Sandbox, i can not honestly recommend buying this card or putting any faith in to it. Getting a movie to play with anything better than stereo in Windows Media Player was next to impossible without the aid of A.S. Once properly set up and tuned the way you like it, your Blu Ray's and Skyrim-like-games sound great. Speakers make a huge difference.. I recommend anything that has "Creative" written on it.

**Update: I just realized when i put my hand on the computer earlier that it was hot to the touch. I added a fan and poked a larger hole in the desk for better ventilation. Lets hope that worked. Maybe time for a new desk?**

The Playorc Author Finds Unknown Hole

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The Extreme Team - The New Epic Video Series

Caught the link on Facebook from Muscles Glasses of EpicMealTime fame. One of the very few times i laughed out loud when watching YouTube.

Favorite quote: "It looks like the Philippines."

Legend of Zelda NES Case Mod w/bonus Video

Made by Ryan Fitzpatrick (aka “Platinumfungi,”)

Why do we love Adrianne Curry?

1) She plays World of Warcraft. I'm not saying that's the best game in the world or anything, but I play it, and I'm a strong believer that most hot chicks play it and possibly do so completely nude. In the shower.

2) She shows up at conventions, in Slave Leia gear.

3) I feel as if, if she is a nerd and not faking her inner-geek to exploit those who give her exposure, then she really is some kind of champion of geek vagina. Bloggers, webmasters, choice-makers, and nerds everywhere love the pictures like the ones above because it gives them hope that hot chicks do really like to be nerdy.

4) She is almost always on twitter showing her boobs.