Hole in the sky?

My name is Major, and my heart is black and full of hate...

Thursday, March 22, 2012

How to be creepy on the Internet in 5 easy steps

     I've said it before, I'm not a creepy guy, I don't go looking for people. Once upon a time i had someone ask me how to find someone. He felt as if he had some unfinished business with an ex girlfriend who moved away. He did not know where she went so all he had was a name. I promised to help. As to not waste time at home doing something stupid like this, we did all the research at work where i would be paid to do it. In the course of one or so shifts we had uncovered some pretty cool information, and it's really all common sense.

     Before we got online we decided to brainstorm where to find information. Marriage certificates, rental lease, home purchase, tax payments, registration of any kind.. all great things we thought of looking for. Bad news though, most of the above you at least need to know where the person is. So..

Step 1) Google. You will need to find out at least what county they live in. Using myself as an example (a bad one at best) i was able to find out where i live and my phone number in 15 minutes. Getting a card out of my wallet for a salesperson that services the company i worked for, i was able to do the same in about 10 minutes. In one rare case i was able to find out the date of an impending marriage of two people by their public online registration on Bed Bath and Beyond. Here is the link. Google is just plain fucking scary in general. I mean it.

Step 2) Use the clerk of courts. This is almost always a hit. Public information is ready and free to search almost always yielding an address or phone number. People get tickets, get sued, register vehicles, buy or sell a house and so on.

Step 3) Social Networking Sites. Always make a dummy account and search for the user specifically. If you remember who they were friends with, search them as well using their friends as a reference. In the case you feel that you are blocked such as on facebook, friend your dummy account that count your friend's friends. Sounds dumb huh? It's not. Most often the person you are looking for thinks your a hateful asshole and wants you blocked. Counting through your friend's friend list, you may notice a certain someone you did not see before.

Step 4) Background check. Use to get these for free at work. Don't even need a SSN to get started, just some basic information such as either a D.O.B. or place of birth. This normally will give the current address and some times a phone number if they have got a ticket recently. This will also reveal their SSN. Some websites charge as little as $5 for this service. **Note: Don't tell me this does not reveal your social. It does. Depends on the check.**

Step 5) Website registry. Often times people sign up for websites, forums, coupon sites and so on. This information might as well just be handed to you. Here is the results of me just typing in "Major Asselin Profile" on Google. Just on the main page you can see my phone number and address. I'm not logged in to anything, it's just a lack of security all around from many different websites. You may have to be more specific on the name with this one, i just happen to have a unique name. (Use the middle name if possible)

     That's it. Your now officially stalking your ex-girlfriends and getting a stomach ache when you find out they are married with kids that don't look like you. Congratulations. Also, this makes you a creepy asshole.

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