We need to stop pretending Gin tastes good.

 

This is the face of someone who dislikes gin

    Let your mind be free for a moment, and relax. Come with me on a spiritual journey on the taste of Gin. Close your eyes slowly and just imagine for a second the smell of burning sulfur, and the acrid stench of ammonia. Holding the glass up to the light, you swirl the clear liquid around in the tumbler, easing it to your lips and taking the smallest of sips. Gasoline assaults the senses, stinging your eyes and the back of your throat. For the briefest of moments you can't breathe as the turpentine like finish burns what little taste buds you have after you found out the McRib was back. What is that you detect? Yes, oh.. yes. What some people would perceive as juniper berry and grains of paradise, is nearly undetectable to the average person and comes across as straight 1940's home surgery Ether from the movie Cider House Rules to the average person. You swallow and nod your head, pretending to like it to seem sophisticated, and take another light sip. Again you are rewarded with a tainted fiery burn, and the bitterness is nearly overwhelming now. Outside of Season 8 of Game of Thrones, nothing has left such a bad taste in your mouth.

The Herbalists Poison Shelf - Venom of the British

    Something equally as nasty, Tonic Water is also available to cut the toxic English contagion from your mouth. Almost anything is better than Gin, but Tonic Water is also another level of blight on the bartending nation. Known as the "Q" on the soda gun for Quinine, Tonic is a foul concoction of bitter herbs and crushed up Aspirin that pairs nicely with the green puke that came out of Jeff Goldblum in 1985 movie, The Fly. 

The True source of Gin and Tonic. This looked like Hoggle from Labyrinth if you squint.

This is just my take on Gin of course. This beverage has a thousand year old history, sells millions of gallons a year, and seems to have some kind of fan base. I can only imagine that British people think this is good because their food tastes like shit. They eat beans on toast and tuna on fucking pizza for god's sake.