Coors Banquet is the Anime Beer of Choice - Vol. 2

 

From the Anime OVA, California Crisis [1986] - 6:37

How drunk can you get at nerdy events? (A comprehensive guide)

 

Their drinking is measured in gigawatts

It's becoming more socially acceptable to drink at nerdy events, as more and more people associate with the nerd kingdom and cross over to the dark side. It was only a matter of time before people would enter alcohol in the equation, and to be very honest, I'm glad it did. Without the sweet smell of cheap hotel vodka drinks and the balmy perfume of a well timed Smirnoff Ice, these people may not (speaking very generally) develop the courage needed to procreate and make more nerds. We need more nerds! Before we get started, I will say that this is satire. I'm a nerd as well. I will be ranking each situation and event with a basic 1-10 scale. Level 1 = zero alcohol, Level 10 = black out drunk. 

#1 - DragonCon - Level 6

     DragonCon is an event nerds look forward to in Atlanta every year to create memories that no one else cares about. They will create inside jokes, have their own terminology, and pride themselves on getting in the hotel it's hosted at ahead of others. An average DragonCon attendee in their second or more year will be at a conservative Level 6 for the duration of the event. Multiple rooms on each floor have tons of bottles of cheap alcohol to share with their fellow nerds to avoid the extravagant prices of booze on the floor. Everyone is going to spring for the "Limited Edition" beer/mead named after a dragon with glitter in it. $12 each? No problem. The experience DragonCon attendee can slam two of these, stay at a fun-buzzed Level 6 for 3 consecutive nights easily. Time to change your cosplay to meet your favorite late 90's failed TV show starlet? Time to have a quick mimosa with the girls as well. For those who take DragonCon to a Level 8, I say good on you, way to up your game- but it's safe at level 6. Some people will get drunk their first night, and those that are regulars at the Con will look at them with the "First time?" shame that they know all too well. 

#2 - Friday Night Magic - Level 3

     I have never been to a FNM sober. I get a light buzz on to cut through my intolerance of other's BO, and power through. Lately it has been MUCH more acceptable to drink a beer or three at your Local Game Store, which has been going on during Warhammer games for decades. Level 3 is a silent, comfortable, and light buzz that two decent 7% IPA's can afford you. Sneak out to the parking lot for a smoke and a beer to keep it going, laugh with the boys outside and head back in. Anything after 6PM at the LGS is normally fair game if you keep it chill with the owner. There is one exception to this rule: If they LGS owner takes it up to a Level 5-7 and it drunk super late playing Warhammer 40k, they you can 100% take it right up there with him and do some shots. Never should you surpass the Level of the owner, as he can kick your ass and your shitty pauper deck right the fuck out. If you do get kicked out, proceed to drink by your car for another hour for good measure.

#3 Smash Tournaments - Level 4-7

With the advent and lucrative penetration of Barcades in the market, Smash Tournaments in bars has been a huge thing in the last 3-4 years. For the uninitiated, Barcades are exactly like they sound: A bar/arcade, draft beer, and multiple TV's. Typically the tournaments are mostly fun, and it's always on a slower day like a Wednesday. In any case, It's a 100% fact I will drink 3-4 beers and a shot during one of these events just to start, when I'm just watching them. I have no fucking clue what is going on, and why people scream at odd times, and who is favored to win. I need a little alcohol to bring me to the next level so I can enjoy myself. I've found myself drinking somewhere else first, then coming to this kind of event last, as I normally would not. As a spectator, you could easily without shame get to a 7, scream for the right and wrong reasons, and no one would care. As a player, ramp that shit up to a 4. You need to loosen up and feel good and confident, and show your alcoholic dominance against the other Pikachu. Fuck that other Pikachu.

#4 Anime Convention - Level 8

I'm going to look at this from the view of a parent, which I happen to be. I love anime and have been to an anime convention in my younger years. I've lovingly wrote about it for years on this blog in the most romantic and affectionate way. Since I've been to one, I've noticed that the scene has changed, and younger people are dressing up, and there is a ton that I do not know. For these reasons, I would have to be a solid fucking level 8 if you want me to attend one of these. I know friends who go, and they say how cringe it is, the level of BO, the flea market style vendors.. It all just sounds kind of awful to me. My son, as an potential attendee that is young and going with his friends, I would say this would be a great place to have my first drink and make new memories.. and then never talk about it ever again. I joke! Listen- I totally understand why people want to go to these kind of things and have a blast, and I'm sure it is really fun. It's just not for me. Solid 8, possibly a 9 in the right conditions and there is a high level of Yugioh players around me.

#5 Furry Meetup/Con - Level 10

From all that I have heard from these conventions and meetups, is that it's all about just banging with your costumes on in some kind of anonymous Eyes Wide Shut style 4chan gang bang. No one knows who you are, where you are from, your background.. you could be a different person and act out your furry persona. It's 100% safe to get Level 10 blasted as a function like this. Pre-game, post-game shots, beers, cocktails, butt-chugs, you name it. Go nuts! It's hot in there so may I suggest something with ice in it. How do you drink with the costume on? There has to be a way. There is no way these meetups aren't happening with extreme levels of alcohol in the equation. Level 10 all the way. 

Till next time. 

I'm drinking beer tonight gents: It's Kyle Mcclary's Birthday

I don't really know how old he is, i'll be honest, but he is younger than me and has a voracious appetite for beer. As a young man in his 30's, i do appreciate a person who has a colon-deep appreciation for a pint of suds.

If you don't like beer, then please, by all means, go fuck yourself.

Oh, and Happy Birthday Kyle.

So sorry, been away for a while.

A toast: To me.

I just decided i had the time to come back to blogging stupid shit for a minute. I checked the stats, and readership and links are waaaay up. Thanks everyone. My $20 (maybe) check from google will be awesome.

Let me take a few paragraphs and give you a little update on my drear existance.

I quit my job at the liquor company I spent 11 years working for. I was their Senior Store Manager, IT person, website administrator, and keeper of the peace for all of the three stores they owned. When i say they, i mean the owners, who are all related, and think they are the best at what they do. The reality is, only the original founder, had any sense at all; he felt bad because his family were not able to make it on thier own, so invited them to come suck up payroll and hang out for 5-7 hours a day, maybe 4 days a week doing nothing but getting on the computer and printing tags and eating.

 Last summer we fell on to hard times, could not pay some invoices down, and found ourselves on the no-sale list. Micro-management by the owners and family as well as piss-poor ordering put us too far behind to catch up. We made it through last summer by the skin of our teeth but never really made it back on top. When the summer was looming in the distance, again the super micro-management started, as well as the horrible ordering. In the middle of April i saw the same trends happening earlier than i expected, so i went looking for another job.

I let the owners know that they were going to lose me, that i needed new insurance, as they dropped theirs alltogether to save money. They assured me that would help me find something. Later that week, they announced all insurance was cancelled, and to find it else where. As these disfuntional people are like family to me, my feelings were hurt. I have looked out for their best interests and hid or filtered their illegal activies for a number of years. I watched (and sometimes helped) these people deny willfully employable people employment, stop ex-employees from getting unemployment by lying outright, and even stopping disabled people from putting a mat behind the register for comfort by bullying, lying, and outright just unjust termination of employment. I'm serious, and list goes on for miles. When they told me that they could do nothing for me after everything that i have done for them, i decided enough was enough.

Fifty to sixty hours a week, 6 day schedule, no holidays off, and four days of paid vacation a year. They tried to tell me i got a week a year, but i never got more than four days in a row off, ever. My leave that i scheduled for my sons birth was even cut a day short by the owners daughter. ( i never found out what she did for the company really) Hourly employees had a five day work week, and could request any day off they wanted, so with overtime, they possibly made more than i did on salary. Oh, and i was on call 24 hours a day. If one of the stores was broken into, i had to go there and clean it up and stay with the police, or whatever was needed.

I applied for a job with a local Miller/Coors distributing company in my area. They are one of the largest beer distributors in the United States actually. I got the job, as i knew people, and interview pretty well. I know the job and the product, i had been ordering and selling it for years. I told my old employers at the liquor company that i would be leaving the following week, as i found a better job with benefits. They talked bad behind my back until the day i left, made fun of me on the phone when it was on hold (you could hear them talking when they put you on hold for some reason), gave me a hard time about my new job and publicly humiliated me in front of staff and customers. After that last bout of humiliation by the hands of the owner in the form of, "They arent going to pay us as much as we do." and, "Your going to have to work hard for them." i changed the schedule to give myself the weekend off, my last weekend ever. I practically danced out of there on friday night, i said my goodbyes to the people who i like, and took my pictures down in my office and left. I left all my computer supplies, programs and hardware there. I wanted no ties with the place.

So here iam, and just in case the owners of my previous employment read this, i lied, i'm making more money and i had this planned for some time before i told you. Having watched your compnay fire every single employee who had ever put in a notice, i would never give you the oppurtunity to do that to me.

The End of History Beer

This extremely rare blonde Belgian ale retails between $650 and $900, but good luck finding it. It is the worlds most expensive and strongest beer, boasting a 55% alcohol content and tasting of juniper berries, mead, and nettles. Oh, and they bottle their beer inside taxidermied roadkill.

You can find out more about BrewDog at their website.