Hole in the sky?

My name is Major.

Monday, October 7, 2024

The Hourglass Sanatorium (1973) Full Movie!

 

This movie is crazy. I mean it.

     The Hourglass Sanatorium is a 1973 Surrealist Polish film directed by Wojciech Jerzy Has, who is known for very strange and fucked up short films that have no basis in reality. Somehow he got people to finance these art films in a big way.. this movie is surprisingly good quality. There is a theme of random topless women with open shirts in almost anything he does, which is fine by me. I'm not entirely sure how this movie got made, or why, but it's clearly a work of art on the highest level. 

This movie poster fucks

     The movie moves scenes like your mind moves into dreams. Between cuts there are ferns and ivy growing, tombstones sticking out of walls. Alternate reality and time warps start to make you wonder what exactly what is real, and what is not. The film does have haunting and strikingly detailed visuals for a movie from that time. Scenes open up like paintings, then our character interacts with those paintings like they have been frozen and waiting for him, and these scenes switch very rapidly from different parts of landscape, to sprawling mansions and castles, to underground clockwork graveyards. The characters that interact with him are all very temporary to the actual theme, and just come in and out as he thinks of them, for seemingly no reason at all. Nothing moves the story along at all, except pure wanderlust and curiosity. 

This is the most normal scene of the movie

The main character interacting with random scenes

These are toys, not people

Monday, August 19, 2024

Terminus (1987) Full Review and Movie Download

 

This is a picture of the AI mouth that installed in the dash that speaks with an 80's Breakin' slang

In a dystopian future, where the kid from Robocop 2 and the love interest of Indiana Jones share the screen, a sport that requires an AI driven truck to reach Terminus reigns supreme. Mix two parts Mad Max with one part Cyborg 2, and you have the recipe for Terminus. (Watch full movie here!)

This is awesome, and required for maximum future-lulz

Sometime around the year 2037, a truck named Monster is designed by a boy genius to drive by itself and the lady from Indiana Jones is talking to the truck for about the first third of the movie. Eventually, we meet our main villain:

Take me seriously.

Complete with fish net fingerless gloves, our confused super-bad is very upset by some voice speaking to him through a speaker for a while. I'm not sure at this point if I should be concerned or not, but I'am. 

The mouth gets more screen time than the leads.

I can't talk enough about the AI truck mouth. It's constantly talking in an exaggerated african-american wise cracking tone that is really off putting, getting a ton of screen time. Occasionally to my delight, the little TV's under the mouth would show random anime, and when asked was told it could one of two things, evil, just a short circuit that made the anime display on the screens. 

Not today sucka's

At some point the Baseball Furies from The Warriors stop the convoy from going any futher. Previous to this, the AI mouth truck would just plow through everything and make things explode. I would dwell on this, but we get transported right into a nightmare world of reused sets and props from other movies, with the only exposition a sex scene with a robot hand. 

I'm not sure what I was expecting

It's awkward and full of cringe.. exactly how I like it. We meet some more mini-bosses, an irate jacked italian guy who likes 80's video games, and this guy who is terrible at arm wrestling.

This is not what is concerning, which is amazing

We learn that our metal armed friend has orange teeth, is great at drinking and arm wrestling and has no issues taking over the helm of the AI mouth winnebago after Marion from Raiders eats shit. Yes, she dies, and I'm not sure why she was written out. I think I missed something?

Monster the AI mouth truck is equipped with a Mr Coffee    

How delighted was I to see that the AI mouth truck has a coffee machine hidden away in the center console. It pours automatically and then reminds our new hero that it's bad for him. Our hero with orange teeth, one arm, and is also super drunk. More anime displays on the little TV's in the cab, and there is some kind of bullshit going on outside that makes me wonder what I'm doing watching this movie to begin with. 

I fucking love fake GPS

Is there anything more exciting than fake GPS? Not since Star Wars wire frame garbage have I seen something so spectacular. All of a sudden, I'm back in this movie 100%, my faith renewed. 

Oh fuck! The baseball furies have teamed up with the Tarzan Bikers!

What comes next is the single most important shot of the movie: A long tracking shot of this cool city with 1000% fucking random nonsense going on. Click the Tarzan Bikers link above and just give it a watch, I swear its the most amazing this you will ever see, only lasts like 2 minutes and appears to be France? I'll try to write down just a few things in this scene below:

  • Asian Mimes
  • Biker Tarzans
  • A motorcycle driving on a high-wire
  • A man with a turban with a huge snake in a wicker chair
  • Glow in the dark prostitutes
  • A pantless man wearing a ringmaster jacket
  • An avante garde cockfight
  • An outdoor strip club pinball arcade
  • A VR flashback that includes a bloody fetus
  • The AI truck upset at a man playing harmonica
Holy fucking shit. 

There appears to be a boy genius fetus farm out in the desert, and our hero discovers it. This is so beyond the budget of this film, I'm honestly floored on how they got this to work. Our hero is really upset at the visual, but not enough to like.. do anything or save them. 

HR Giger would be proud

Channeling Outland and Aliens, there is no shortage of cool practical wet slimy alien fetuses and screaming AI children hooked up to steampunk brewing equipment. Want an unborn baby espresso with steamed milk? I think we can handle that. 

This looks fun

Looks like that's the end of the movie, and it ends with our hero saving the AI genius kid from Robocop 2, and says something witty. The credits roll with a mix of wireframe bullshit and 80's new wave pop synth which is a really good way to conclude such a top tier piece of shit. Honestly- How did this get made? It's obviously not that low of a budget. It has some brand name actors billed out. How did I not know this existed previously? High grade trash, and I'm here for it.