Hole in the sky?

My name is Major.

Monday, November 11, 2024

Story Time: My trip to New Orleans and the Anne Rice Memnoch Ball 1999

 

The Memnoch Ball, 1995

Since I was able to read and watch TV, I was crazy about Vampires. I loved the old universal movies growing up, and I was so into watching and reading the horror media of the 80's I grew up in. As I got older and in high school, I read a ton of Anne Rice, sometimes the same book twice in the same week. If a new book came out, I would be in line to buy it right away. One of the reasons I started working at Books-a-Million part time was to get all the cool Vampire: The Masquerade and White Wolf books first, and at a heavy discount.. sometimes even free. In one of these horror magazines at Books-a-Million there was a whole section about The Memnoch Ball in New Orleans in 1995, and that started an obsession.

The movie had just come out and I was in love with the imagery and overwhelming gothic nature of New Orleans. New Orleans was a mythical place in my mind. I know it was real, I have heard of stories of people going there, but never did anyone really close to me experience it themselves. Asking my parents if I could go really made them concerned, and there was nothing I could do to convince them to move a vacation there. I wanted to see the cemeteries, the shops, the places from the movie. Every damn book, game or anything that had something to do with modern day Vampires was based there. I had to go. I had to know more. 

The Vampire Lestat Fanclub is still going on today, organizing events. Anne herself attended until before she passed away.

I subscribed to the Anne Rice newsletter and joined the Usenet groups on AOL. There was a thread where people (adults) were talking about where they were going to meet, the hotels that they would stay at, and the great dinner before The Memnoch Ball. I asked a ton of questions and got them answered: Where was the ball? What dinner? Which hotel? What's the address? And so on. In this way I was able to schedule a fictional trip to New Orleans in my mind and get excited about it, even it I was not able to attend. The tickets for the dinner were $250 and I got the phone number to call and make a reservation over the phone, and the address to mail the check to. There was three different levels of tickets to the Memnoch Ball, one was a public ticket, and two higher tiers were for her Fan Club. The top tier came with a bottle of wine signed by Anne Rice, and you got to meet her and get a picture. That ticket was $200.

7-Eleven, a previous employer of mine for around six months sent me a letter that they have sold out their profit sharing and were now part of another company, and sent me a check out of the blue for almost $1200. All of a sudden the funds to make my dream became a reality, but it did have it's challenges. For one, my parents could not know that I was going to make a road trip, alone, out of state while under 18 years old from Florida. I had only went on the highway a handful of times, and I had a hotrod 1972 Nova SS that was of questionable reliability. I built it, it was mine, and I have fond memories of it. Big 350 engine, awesome stereo.. and fast. Holy shit this car was fast.

First thing's first- I bought the tickets. I called the numbers, mailed the checks. One issue came up, no hotels or rooms available anywhere. I felt indestructible at that age, so I did not let that stop me and vowed to just sleep in my car in the back seat. I owned a knife, I figured that would be enough. My girlfriend at the time was living with me, so I had to figure out how to not tell her about what was going on, and also explain my absence. Our parents knew each other, if she or them found out, the Memnoch Ball would just be a fantasy. It just so happened, one of my friends in the military who lived in Tennessee was getting married the same week. I called him and some friends that were going and they said they would cover for me. I felt like an asshole not attending their wedding, but I had no idea what kind of paper marriage bullshit my friend was up to anyways. My alibi complete, I was ready to leave.. the tickets came, and I saw the ball said 21 and up, but whatever, I looked old enough, and had a beard already.


I packed my car's backseat with a cooler with some food in it for 2 days, a paper map from the gas station, a backpack with some clothes, a few items I wanted signed in case I did meet Anne, and set off. At this point in my life I did own a cell phone, but was told by my dad to only use it in emergencies, as it was over $1 a minute to call someone. I forgot to charge it anyways, so it was dead. The drive took around 12 hours because I only had a 12 gallon tank, in a car with 411 rear gears. I will say, I never got stranded or broke down, the car easily made it there, and looked liked a bad motherfucker the whole way.

I arrived in the early afternoon with two hours until the dinner, so I found a gas station and went to the bathroom and changed into nice clothes, and set out towards the french quarter to The Rosegate House for the big dinner. I had my Vampire Lestat Fan Club Ticket, my Coven Card, and I was ready to rock and roll. I got there, parked two blocks away and holy shit.. it was just as I imagined it. huge mansion on a beautiful old street.. ancient vampires could be in there! I got in line with a bunch of other people with my heavily used copy of Interview with the Vampire. The couple in front of me were also fan club members, and dressed in dark purples and black gothic period clothing. There were so nice to talk to, and did not seem at all concerned that a kid from Florida made it here alone for the opportunity.


Over an hour of sweating and waiting for the gate to open from the house, there was an announcement: The dinner was cancelled. There was a huge collective groan as the sun was going down. I waited in line to talk to the man who was in charge and made the announcement- he said all tickets would be refunded and that we would all receive a gift in the mail for our troubles. The reason for the cancelation? The Real World New Orleans was filming at the mansion, and they would be the only ones attending the dinner. There was only about 20 of us, so we huddled in front of the mansion as what I can only assume are producers and such ushered the cast of the Real World past us, and up the stairs into the house. We were shooed away as lights were set up, so everyone moved to the end of the street.


I think people assumed I was older than I was. I mentioned I have a car, and the couple I met said they took a Taxi. In exchange for a round of drinks, I agreed to take them to their hotel so they could change and we could go out. At this point in my life, I had never really been to a bar before, and from what I heard, bars in New Orleans were next level insane. Well, I was not disappointed. Bourbon street was fucking awesome. 


$1 drinks everywhere, people drinking in street, and as soon as it hit midnight, it went to level 11. There were fights, people dressed like vampires selling PBR's from a three-wheeled bike to me for $2. I lost track of the nice couple but met some other young people dressed like gothic noir princes from The Masquerade. They took me around, I let one of the girls drive my car. She thought that was the greatest thing ever, and took pictures of it, and had me take one of her. I saw someone holding a sign up for a "movie location tour" and gave him $10 and joined a group of about 15. I had no idea at the time, but the move Double Jeopardy had just came out with Ashley Judd, and it was doing well in the theatres and drummed up a lot of interest in New Orleans. We walked the streets and went inside hotels like we were staying there, between back roads and bars, in small alleys and all the way to the Metairie Cemetery. I got to see the Cemetery after all! I was vibrating I was so excited about every little thing.


My memory was not the best about the shit that went down after that, but I think I just got trashed at a dive bar that had one of those connected back rooms that had dirty couches and stage and fell asleep there. I was kicked out in the middle of the night, found my car, and fell asleep in the back seat until the sound of trolleys and cars woke me up the next morning. I parked on a sidestreet next a breakfast place that I could of swore was a bar last night, but in either event, had one of the best breakfasts of my life and the first real food since I entered New Orleans. The next 8 hours were a day dream of walking around and seeing things, buying things from shops, and just relaxing at Cafe's eating the best food ever. I ate oysters for the first time on the half shell after watching a family destroy several plates.

My ticket said - Anne Rice's Memnoch ball at The Coven. I took my car, which looking back was a mistake because parking is not the easiest. I cant remember where I actually was, but the whole street appeared to be under construction. The Ball was just as the pictures described.. people dressed up, a band playing incredible music, everyone dressed up, and I was correct to assume I would not be carded for ID at the front door. My black drawstring bag handed to me at the door had two bottles of wine signed by Anne, a bookplate of Memnoch the Devil with Anne's picture (blank) and a black candle. The place was fucking PACKED. You could barely move, and I wanted to ditch this heavy bag at the car, but it was so far away. There was a another level with an iron railing and you could walk up to the next floor, and it was less populated so you could get a break- and there she was. Anne Rice with her arms on a railing next to what looked like a punk rock Mad Max extra talking to her. 

She was in all black and looked like she belonged in the movie. She was laughing and talking loud over the music like she was a normal person. I walked over and waiting next to the railing where her people and the punk rock girl was standing, and sure enough she laid her attention on me. Right then and there I realized I forgot my Interview book for her to sign, and the only thing I had was the bookplate and my ticket.  I stammered a few words of how much of a fan I was, of her, and her writing and the way she shaped the world I'm standing in right now. I told her how much I loved New Orleans and I drove from Fort Myers. She just smiled and nodded her head while she signed the couple of things I had. She apologized about the dinner, and blamed someone by name, but I cant remember who she said, and thanked me several times... and just like that, the 2 minutes was up, and she was talking to someone else again and smiling her big broad smile to them.

 The rest of the night was a blur. I saw her walking around several times, and at one point they put a throne on stage and people were talking to her between music sets. Several celebrities in her world.. authors and agents were thanked and brought up on stage. Some band covered Marilyn Manson? Or maybe it was him, either way I was drunk and happy, and just in a different world. The drive home was easy as soon as I got to 75 and went south. I spent way less money than I intended and nothing bad happened, with the exception of the dinner getting cancelled. 

Monday, October 7, 2024

The Hourglass Sanatorium (1973) Full Movie!

 

This movie is crazy. I mean it.

     The Hourglass Sanatorium is a 1973 Surrealist Polish film directed by Wojciech Jerzy Has, who is known for very strange and fucked up short films that have no basis in reality. Somehow he got people to finance these art films in a big way.. this movie is surprisingly good quality. There is a theme of random topless women with open shirts in almost anything he does, which is fine by me. I'm not entirely sure how this movie got made, or why, but it's clearly a work of art on the highest level. 

This movie poster fucks

     The movie moves scenes like your mind moves into dreams. Between cuts there are ferns and ivy growing, tombstones sticking out of walls. Alternate reality and time warps start to make you wonder what exactly what is real, and what is not. The film does have haunting and strikingly detailed visuals for a movie from that time. Scenes open up like paintings, then our character interacts with those paintings like they have been frozen and waiting for him, and these scenes switch very rapidly from different parts of landscape, to sprawling mansions and castles, to underground clockwork graveyards. The characters that interact with him are all very temporary to the actual theme, and just come in and out as he thinks of them, for seemingly no reason at all. Nothing moves the story along at all, except pure wanderlust and curiosity. 

This is the most normal scene of the movie

The main character interacting with random scenes

These are toys, not people

Monday, August 19, 2024

Terminus (1987) Full Review and Movie Download

 

This is a picture of the AI mouth that installed in the dash that speaks with an 80's Breakin' slang

In a dystopian future, where the kid from Robocop 2 and the love interest of Indiana Jones share the screen, a sport that requires an AI driven truck to reach Terminus reigns supreme. Mix two parts Mad Max with one part Cyborg 2, and you have the recipe for Terminus. (Watch full movie here!)

This is awesome, and required for maximum future-lulz

Sometime around the year 2037, a truck named Monster is designed by a boy genius to drive by itself and the lady from Indiana Jones is talking to the truck for about the first third of the movie. Eventually, we meet our main villain:

Take me seriously.

Complete with fish net fingerless gloves, our confused super-bad is very upset by some voice speaking to him through a speaker for a while. I'm not sure at this point if I should be concerned or not, but I'am. 

The mouth gets more screen time than the leads.

I can't talk enough about the AI truck mouth. It's constantly talking in an exaggerated african-american wise cracking tone that is really off putting, getting a ton of screen time. Occasionally to my delight, the little TV's under the mouth would show random anime, and when asked was told it could one of two things, evil, just a short circuit that made the anime display on the screens. 

Not today sucka's

At some point the Baseball Furies from The Warriors stop the convoy from going any futher. Previous to this, the AI mouth truck would just plow through everything and make things explode. I would dwell on this, but we get transported right into a nightmare world of reused sets and props from other movies, with the only exposition a sex scene with a robot hand. 

I'm not sure what I was expecting

It's awkward and full of cringe.. exactly how I like it. We meet some more mini-bosses, an irate jacked italian guy who likes 80's video games, and this guy who is terrible at arm wrestling.

This is not what is concerning, which is amazing

We learn that our metal armed friend has orange teeth, is great at drinking and arm wrestling and has no issues taking over the helm of the AI mouth winnebago after Marion from Raiders eats shit. Yes, she dies, and I'm not sure why she was written out. I think I missed something?

Monster the AI mouth truck is equipped with a Mr Coffee    

How delighted was I to see that the AI mouth truck has a coffee machine hidden away in the center console. It pours automatically and then reminds our new hero that it's bad for him. Our hero with orange teeth, one arm, and is also super drunk. More anime displays on the little TV's in the cab, and there is some kind of bullshit going on outside that makes me wonder what I'm doing watching this movie to begin with. 

I fucking love fake GPS

Is there anything more exciting than fake GPS? Not since Star Wars wire frame garbage have I seen something so spectacular. All of a sudden, I'm back in this movie 100%, my faith renewed. 

Oh fuck! The baseball furies have teamed up with the Tarzan Bikers!

What comes next is the single most important shot of the movie: A long tracking shot of this cool city with 1000% fucking random nonsense going on. Click the Tarzan Bikers link above and just give it a watch, I swear its the most amazing this you will ever see, only lasts like 2 minutes and appears to be France? I'll try to write down just a few things in this scene below:

  • Asian Mimes
  • Biker Tarzans
  • A motorcycle driving on a high-wire
  • A man with a turban with a huge snake in a wicker chair
  • Glow in the dark prostitutes
  • A pantless man wearing a ringmaster jacket
  • An avante garde cockfight
  • An outdoor strip club pinball arcade
  • A VR flashback that includes a bloody fetus
  • The AI truck upset at a man playing harmonica
Holy fucking shit. 

There appears to be a boy genius fetus farm out in the desert, and our hero discovers it. This is so beyond the budget of this film, I'm honestly floored on how they got this to work. Our hero is really upset at the visual, but not enough to like.. do anything or save them. 

HR Giger would be proud

Channeling Outland and Aliens, there is no shortage of cool practical wet slimy alien fetuses and screaming AI children hooked up to steampunk brewing equipment. Want an unborn baby espresso with steamed milk? I think we can handle that. 

This looks fun

Looks like that's the end of the movie, and it ends with our hero saving the AI genius kid from Robocop 2, and says something witty. The credits roll with a mix of wireframe bullshit and 80's new wave pop synth which is a really good way to conclude such a top tier piece of shit. Honestly- How did this get made? It's obviously not that low of a budget. It has some brand name actors billed out. How did I not know this existed previously? High grade trash, and I'm here for it.